She Just Says No To Drugs, Adamantly

So far today we've given our almost-five-year-old daughter her various prescriptions by hiding pills and disguising oral suspensions in:

1. peanut butter
2. applesauce
3. a grilled cheese sandwich
3. strawberries and whipped cream
4. Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream

I'm not proud to admit that this morning featured me crying on the phone with the nurse after threatening to take our daughter in for shots and/or an IV hook-up when she refused to swallow anything but chewable Tylenol tablets. And learning that dropping her back off at the hospital Was Not An Option.

Seems like Everyone Else knows how to get bitter pills down their kids' gullets. And we have no real excuse, especially since this is the same child acclimated to a daily prophylactic dose of amoxicillin since she was three. And we are generally not in the habit of letting our kids Be In Charge of Their Well-Being.

But, she would tell you, these are new meds we're forcing her to take. And, well, you also have to know our daughter: It's not the taste of the medicine, per se, it's the IDEA of it. A "spoonful of sugar" or chocolate sauce (thank you, friends) will not work if she knows medication is in there.

We resorted to pinning her down and prying her jaw open (and then holding it closed--AGAIN, NOT PROUD), but her uncanny ability to spit out and spray every last molecule of drug-containing liquid is why she took two baths yesterday and my sheets are in the wash.

Hence, the evolution in the list of masquerading menus above. Peanut butter and applesauce represent her suspecting that the pill is in that spoonful, but okay, she'll try it. That approach wore off by noon. I stuck the crumbled mid-day pill in her sandwich--and she was none the wiser. Yes.

Alas, the pre-dinner Cherry-Tylenol-with-Codeine Soaked Strawberries and Cream lasted about three bites before being deemed "spicy."

But Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream? A perfect foil for the crushed nighttime dose of Ditripan. She'll be having that for breakfast, unless she's already on to us by tomorrow A.M.

The Drug Wars in our house are perhaps a welcome distraction from her whimpers of pain, her rocking on all fours and begging us to please do something to make this better NOW Mommy and Daddy.

Ummm...how about drugs, kiddo? *Sigh*

But I have the luxury of knowing this too shall pass--and quickly, relatively speaking. My respect, admiration, and empathy for parents and children with chronic, debilitating illnesses in whose lives daily yucky medicine and pain are givens.