Sunday, September 21, 2008

List: Who's in Your Minivan?

I think a coworker and I were comparing Survivor contestants one day last year when the topic of conversation drifted to Celebrity Crushes. I recall mentioning my husband's affinity for Winona Ryder, which I don't get (I mean, she looks fabulous with short hair and has those doe eyes...but her Weird Factor kind of ruins it for me).

I began naming a few folks whose profiles--or personalities--I admire.

"Oh, like, who's in your minivan," my colleague nodded, encouraging me.

"Who's in your minivan?" I replied, bewildered.

"Yeah: if you could have five passengers in your minivan, who would they be? With special attention to who rides shotgun, of course..."

Now, my Mazda MPV minivan seats seven, so my list shall have six passengers. Starting in the back:

1. In the last row, to my right: Brandi Carlile. Have you seen this woman sing? She's beautiful in a very normal, not-even-trying way, and her voice and guitar fill up an arena. She's awesome. I'd like to be her friend.

2. In the last row, squeezed in the middle seat: Brad Pitt. I know it's trite. But it's trite for a reason. The guy doesn't have perfect skin and has some pretty funky cowlicks, but he's got It. And while I hate to jump on a People Magazine Sexiest Man Ever Bandwagon (he's the "first solo two-time winner," egads), he's gotta be in my minivan. He's in the back, but still. It's about how he's helping save the world, and stuff.

3. In the last row, left side: Matthew Fox. It pains me to put him in the far back behind me, but we'll hang out during pit stops. It's his earnestness, his facial hair...he's absolutely My Type, if this is based on appearance alone. But as Charlie on Party of Five, he was the big brother I never had. Only I didn't so much want him to be my big brother when I was watching.

4. Middle row, to my right: Lenny Kravitz. I need him there so I can glance over my shoulder for a glimpse now and then. And so I can hear him humming to the music we're playing in the minivan. When he sings "American Woman," I start running for the border.

5. Middle row, behind me: Hilary Swank. I think she's incredibly talented and sexy and sort of mysterious. She sits there because I don't mind if she and Lenny hook up...but I would be jealous if she and Matthew Fox got it on.

6. SHOTGUN: Jon Stewart. I would mostly likely crash the minivan with Jon as my copilot, because I would be alternately laughing and trying to make out with him*, but it's worth the risk.

Who's in your minivan? Post your passengers.

*I asked my husband if it was disrespectful to him to say I wanted to make out with Jon Stewart. "No, honey," he answered. "He's not very good looking." If that makes you feel better, honey.


Mama Deb said...

HA! This is very funny. I totally get Lenny Kravitz and Jon Stewart, but I am afraid I can't abide by your Hillary Swank. She freaks me out. Her mouth freaks me out. Me no likie.

I think I might steal from you and post my passengers tomorrow!

Your littlest sis said...

I had to comment on this: I second the hillary swank comment above. She really freaks me out too, and it is totally about the mouth. Eek!

Now because I don't own a car, but I do ride the bus, do I get to list a whole busload of people?

me said...

Matthew Fox . . . amen sista!!!!!! Although he and Matt Damon might have to duke it out for my shotgun (not that they would, but in a purely hypothetical situation).

How about the rat in my kitchen? Where does he/she sit? URGHHHH!!!