Survey Says! (Surveys are Silly)

In the past two weeks I've received several versions of the emailed personal survey. You know, the "2008 Version of Getting to Know Your Family and Friends" (I was thinking that was called, "How are you voting in November?").

I am always mystified by the questions. Who makes these things up? For example, new to the 2008 version: the blue cheese query (below). And, c'mon, some of the questions are just dumb or boring.

But as a tribute to the inherent narcissism of such surveys and of blogging itself, I've copied and pasted one survey (the 44-question one that's going around), appended parts of another...and then I've added and answered my own questions.

Enjoy! Or be terribly bored. You get to decide where I'm lying.

1. Do you like blue cheese?
Yes, I do. Especially with a wedge of iceberg lettuce and caramelized onions.
2. Have you been ever drunk?
Is this a serious (sober) question?
3. Do you own a gun?
No way. Super scared of guns. Moreover, though I've never been seriously suicidal, it's seems like having a gun available when you're in the abyss stacks the deck against you.
4. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite?
I used to like Crystal Light. Before that, I was a Hawaiian Punch fan. Now I drink water, when I am not drinking ___ (question #16)
5. Do you get nervous before doctor's appointments?
Actually, I do. And I tend to feel like I am on the verge of tears. I think it's because I've realized people younger than I am ARE old enough to be doctors.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
At a ball game? Required.
7. Favorite Christmas movie?
Miracle on 34th Street. My parents made me watch it to prove to me that Santa was real. I still find the argument compelling.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee, with milk.
9. Can you do push ups?
I used to do them daily, and now I won't even try.
10. What's your favorite piece of jewelry?
I have three: my engagement ring, which was my great aunt's; a vintage butterfly necklace which used to be my grandmother's, and the daisy/diamond earrings my dad gave me right before I walked down the aisle.
11. Favorite hobby?
Writing.
12. Do you have A.D.D.?
No, but I multitask when I am supposed to be paying attention...
13. What's your weight?
Currently more than I would like it to be.
14. Middle name?
Catherine. I knew it was Catherine before I could read or spell. So I wrote it "Catheren" and was seriously irritated when my mom told me it wasn't spelled that way.
15. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment??
My almost-three year old is pesky!...I ate too much dinner...why is it so hot in November?
16. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Let's see, what did my daughter once tell her preschool teacher? Wine, beer, and coffee.
17. Current worry?
Our house's foundation is sinking.
18. Current hate right now?
That Proposition 8 passed.
19. Favorite place to be?
Snuggling my daughters. Especially when we're sleeping.
20. How did you bring in the New Year?
Drinking pomegranate martinis and helping daughter recover from STING procedure.
21. Where would you like to go?
Back to Africa, this time with my family.
22. Name three people who will complete this.
I do not like this question.
23. Do you own slippers?
Yes, two pairs, and I wear them primarily in the winter. I come home from work and put them on and I become That Dorky Lady Wearing Slippers (proudly).
24. What color shirt are you wearing right now?
You know, as I started to describe my shirt, I realized this is a boring question, too.
25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
I don't think I ever have, and I don't think I want to.
26. Can you whistle?
Not very well. (Umm, who cares?)
27. Favorite color??
Purple. But I believe in Appropriate Use of Purple.
28. Would you be a pirate?
No, but in my younger years I could have probably fallen for one....
29. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I sing while I run. I think about the work day ahead in the shower.
30. Favorite girl's name?
I am going to say Ruby or Tula. Two names I liked that were never going to be my daughters' names.
31. Favorite boy's name?
Zephyr (could also be girl's name)...and another one I won't say for my unconceived, unborn, unlikely son.
32. What's in your pocket?
A receipt for a trashcan I returned. Yes, even some trashcans are not good enough for me.
33. Last thing that made you laugh?
My daughter, on our way to my brother and sister-in-law's wine, cheese, and Chargers' game party: "I don't want to drink wine. I don't want to eat cheese either. I don't want to watch the Chargers' game. What the heck am I going to do there?"
34. Worst injury you've ever had as a child?
Injury? Lucky me: a mere tire swing hitting my already skinned-up knee. Illness? Meningitis in the 6th grade.
36. Do you love where you live?
I believe we live in one of the best neighborhoods in America.
37. How many TVs do you have in the house?
Two, one with cable in the living room and one in our bedroom for videos on Mama's bed.
38. Who is your loudest friend?
I have a few of these...with volume dependent on volume of vino consumed.
39. How many dogs do you have?
One awesome, faithful, sweet doggie.
40. Does someone have a crush on you?
Our almost-three-year-old is a Mama's Girl.
41. What is your favorite book?
Tough one--there are so many...I wrote about Franny and Zooey for a college essay, and I still love it. A personal favorite: Goodbye Without Leaving, by the late Laurie Colwin.
42. What is your favorite candy?
Dove dark chocolate.
44. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I have an iTunes playlist for this very occasion, entitled "She Goes On."

Here are some more or less intriguing questions from another email survey:

What is your occupation right now?
High School Vice Principal.
What are you listening to right now?
A Fraggle Rock episode.
What was the last thing that you ate?
Homemade pizza.
Can you drive a stick shift?
Yes. Well, I could. I don't really relish the opportunity now.
Last person you spoke to on the phone?
I accidentally sent a text message to a new friend's landline. Does that count?
What is your favorite sport to watch on TV?
Survivor challenges.
What is your favorite drink?
Strong coffee in the morning. A nice glass of red in the evening.
Favorite food?
Curry.
What is the last movie you watched?
Last one I can remember? A Mighty Heart.
Favorite day of the year?
Thanksgiving.
How do you vent anger?
By running...and by venting.
What was your favorite toy as a child?
Dolls. Dollhouse my grandpa made. Legos.
When was the last time you cried?
Oh, I cry often. It's just Who I Am. Ask my dad. Ask my boss!
What did you do last night?
Ditched the Homecoming Dance.
What are you most afraid of?
Losing people I love. And falling.
Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers?
What is a spicy hamburger? Please! I prefer turkey burgers.
Favorite dog breed?
I have favorite dogs. This is like, "What's your favorite breed of man?"
Favorite day of the week?
Thursday, in the evenings: there's hope, people; there's hope!
How many states have you lived in?
Four states: Hawaii, Connecticut, California, Louisiana. One non-state: Washington, D.C. Three countries: U.S., Italy, Africa.
What is your favorite flower?
Gerber daisies are my wedding flower. Tuberose smell wicked good on my desk.

And here are Fer's Contributions:

A) Three things you don't understand:
1. Most technology: how does the internet work?
2. What's up with death threats? Do people really take time out of their days to make those calls?
3. The brain. It looks like mush. And it invented the internet.
B) Body part(s) you'd fix if you weren't too poor or down-to-earth for plastic surgery:
My webbed neck, and my drooping eyelids.
c) Some memorable acts of kindness bestowed upon you:
1. While I was studying abroad: A man in Italy went way out of his way to walk me from the bus stop to the hotel where I would meet my visiting parents, late at night.
2. Friends Mark and Carol, waiting for us on the curb with a six-pack of Pacifico on the day we drove up and opened our newly-purchased first home.
3. A homeless man changed the flat tire I discovered when I returned to my parked car downtown, even after I tried to convince him I was a Tough Broad who could do it herself. And wouldn't accept any money from me.
D) Something you witnessed or experienced that you still can't explain:
It was 6:30 AM, and I was walking the dog with my then-boyfriend. A guy with a U-Haul, which was parked along a red curb, asked me to get in and move the truck ten feet forward to a legal parking spot "before the cops arrived." He said he wasn't licensed, and the driver wouldn't be back soon enough to move it--he was stuck; could I help? Something was fishy; I am sure it was a con of some sort, so I said no...but I still wonder about it.
E) Something you've given up?
Scuba diving. Turns out I don't like anything that messes with my ability to breathe.