STING!

Anyone who thinks four-year-olds don't know much are sadly, sorrily, painfully mistaken.

My daughter has a small problem with her kidneys that we tried to fix this summer with a little outpatient procedure. About a month ago we learned that it was only effective on one side. So we will have to repeat the procedure. The specialists were supposed to call us to schedule it, and for some reason tonight, on a Friday night, my husband and I were reminded that they haven't contacted us yet.

Me: (Dialing)
Dr. Office: This is the After-Hours Line; if this is a life-threatening emergency...blah blah...if you want to leave a message, call this number: %$#-*&^-!@#
Me: (Trying to memorize number versus write it down)
Me: (Dialing the number I remember)
Dr. Office: This is the Specialists' Line...if you want to leave a message, we'll answer it on the next business day...
Me: (WOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO...celebrating that Unlike Usually, I got the number right) Hi...My name is X, my daughter's name is Y, and she had a "STING" procedure in July that only worked on one side...we need to...
Daughter: (Cocking her head as she eavedrops, and then SCREAMING) I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE DOCTOR!!!!!!! NO, MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: (RUNNING into another room as she is intercepted by her father)...schedule that second STING procedure...please call us...
Daughter: I DON'T WANT SOMETHING THAT STINGS!!!! NO MOMMY NO DADDY NO MORE STINGING! NO MORE STINGING!!!!
Daughter: (More wailing. Lots of WAILING)
Me: That will be a fun message for them to hear on Monday.

So we spent a Good Amount of our Friday Night talking our daughter down from (as well as around, because It Is Going To Happen) the STING procedure, the last one of which she can remember some seriously uncanny details.

I'm going to suggest some new acronyms for this little outpatient gift, like "ICE CREAM" or "SOOTHING BACKRUB."